Ep. 07 | How To… Open Smarter
With Dr. Zhana Vrangalova
by Lara
In our latest installment of How to In Bed, I sat down with Dr. Zhana, a relationship scientist and professor of human sexuality, to talk about something a lot of us are curious about but might be too shy to ask: how to open a relationship—and do it well.
If you’ve ever wondered whether non-monogamy could work for you or how to even begin that conversation with your partner, this episode is for you. Dr. Zhana doesn’t just drop wisdom about what makes open relationships thrive; she breaks it down with actionable advice, zero judgment, and tons of experience.
As someone who loves unpacking the nuances of intimacy, I found myself nodding along (and asking a million questions). We dove into everything: how novelty-seeking personalities thrive on adventure, why communication is the real MVP of any relationship, and how to handle the inevitable emotional bumps. Here’s what stayed with me:
“Opening up is about creating a container where exploration feels safe”
Top Takeaways from this Extraordinary Conversation:
“Relationships aren’t one-size-fits-all”
1. Know Your Why
Before you start imagining new escapades, hit pause and ask yourself why this feels important. Are you seeking variety? Addressing a mismatch in sex drives? Exploring a specific kink? Clarity will help guide conversations with your partner.
2. Check Our Personality Type
Dr. Zhana dropped some fascinating insights about novelty-seeking personalities—people who thrive on new experiences (think travelers, thrill-seekers, or, let’s be honest, anyone tempted by the words “sex party”). If this sounds like you, non-monogamy might be a good fit.
3. Communicate Like A Pro
Here’s the thing: opening up is not a “one and done” chat. It’s an ongoing dialogue filled with nuance, reassurance, and patience. “I love you, and I love us” is a good place to start. After that? Get ready to listen, listen, and then listen some more.
4. Boundaries Are Sexy
From “no penetration” to “not more than three dates,” boundaries aren’t about limiting fun—they’re about making sure everyone feels safe enough to enjoy it. Non-monogamy is never a free-for-all; the clearer you are, the more freedom you can create.
5. Community
Whether it’s reading The Ethical Slut or finding a community of like-minded folks, support is essential. Dr. Zhana's online course, Open Smarter, is a great intro for anyone ready to explore their options thoughtfully and intentionally.
Talking with Dr. Zhana reminded me of something I think about often: relationships aren’t one-size-fits-all. Whether you’re happy in monogamy or itching to explore something new, what matters is that you’re building connections that feel true to you and your partner. This episode is packed with practical tips, juicy anecdotes, and permission to explore love and intimacy on your terms. Hit play, and let’s dive in together.