Rope Me In, Baby!

It's Tuesday night and we step into a small room in an unassuming office building. And by "we" I mean me and my slightly nervous, rope-virgin friend Luis. Because that's his real name and he's my "friend." Right.

The walls of the space are covered in erotic Japanese art and wooden beams stretch across the ceiling. To suspend people from, naturally. The rope master smiles at our little group: less leather goths, more young couples in comfy tank tops ready to get roped in.

"Rope play is like learning a new language, every touch, every tie should come with an emotion and an intention. You're communicating through the rope," he explains after a short introduction about the history of Shibari, the erotic Japanese rope bondage. (Read more here if you haven't read my past newsletters.)

And off we go. We're instructed to think of different words while we tie each others wrists. "Think sensual," the master guides us. "Now think mine." The temperature in the room seemed to rise, or maybe it was just us. The simple adjustment made the act of being tied up so intimate and so hot, that for a split second I wished we were alone...

We continue on to learn multiple upper and lower body box ties, all with clear instructions and safety warnings. "You might want your partner to feel constricted and uncomfortable but not necessarily lose all feeling in their arm. Unless you're a masochist or an asshole," he adds with a smirk.

The type of Shibari the master teaches us is also called Aibunawa, which loosely translates to "caressing rope." Compare that to the other type Semenawa, which means "torture and rope," and you get the picture. Aibunawa "is all about love and care for your partner, which sounds ironic as you're tying them up," the master states. "You're only doing it with their consent, because they like it."

The goal is to communicate emotions through rope and to surrender to your partner. Some people even experience something called "rope drunk," which is described as an euphoric high (apparently a release of dopamine and endorphins, which the master compares to a "runners high.")

When we step out into the cold night both of us actually feel a bit high. We're probably not "rope drunk" quite yet but we're definitely ready to go home... and practice. If you know what I mean.