Top Tips To Join The'Mile High Club"
How To ‘Mile High’
The thrill of getting caught, bragging rights, getting drunk on mini bottles and getting frisky with the random person sitting next to you... all valid reasons for people to have sex on an airplane.
It's definitely not the most sanitary or convenient of places (have you been to an airplane bathroom?!) but definitely one of the most desirable to check off the sex bucket list. So if you're not a member of the MH club yet and don't mind getting a little dirty (great pun) let's see how you can set yourself up for success (and not arrest.)
1. The Attitude
Apparently the notion that it's easy to get away with sex on a plane is a mistake: I've read several interviews with flight attendants that said they nearly always notice but let the people get away with it if they act super CASUAL. So cum in silence, ninjas. A few club members have also told me that they came up with some reasons to 'help' their GF in the bathroom ala "she's not feeling well..." Okkayyy, how convincing is that. But then again, I love some boy giving me a hand, so it's not a lie!
2. The Lavatory
There's only a few spots where you can have sex at on a plane, so let's start with the most obvious one:
The Tiniest & Dirtiest Bathroom Ever!
Did I say those bathrooms are tiny? And dirty? Alright, if you're horny enough none of that really matters. So let's get to a few tips that should do the trick:
1. Enter and leave the bathroom staggered, as in a few minutes apart. Pro tip: the girl goes first and starts masturbating, so she's wet when the guy comes to the bathroom. It'll prob be the quickest quickie, so every second counts.
2. Do it standing doggy style! Seriously, I've researched some positions and none sound very appealing considering the small space (doing the splits, anyone?!) But fucking her from behind while she's holding on to the sink or the support rails? So doable!
3. Do in the middle of the night if it's a red eye or during drink service. The flight attendants will be busy or resting and the lines will be shorter.
4. Some have mentioned handicapped bathrooms as a more spacious alternative. Honestly I've only seen them a couple of times on international flights, so that's not a great one to bet on (but to jump on if so, I guess!)
5. ALERT: just so you know the flight attendants have keys to open the bathroom from outside anytime. Basically you'll be playing "mile high roulette." Call me Bond, Lara Bond.
3. The Seat
The other location:
The Economy Seat!
The only time economy beats business class? When you want to get frisky with the person next to you. You're basically sitting on top of each other already!
1. Use a blanket! Kind of a no brainer but here we go. And by 'using' I mean but it over your lab and have your partner stimulate you underneath. Or lie on his lab and blow him underneath! I haven't heard from a guy pretending to sleep on his GF's lab to go down on her but extra miles to your membership card, man.
2. This maneuver will work best on a red eye flight where everyone's sleeping & the lights are dimmed. Hands down. Pun intended.
3. You're not necessarily doomed to just foreplay in the seat BUT you need a few conditions to work in your favor, most importantly: a less crowded plane aka a 3 seat lane for 2! That set-up will allow you to spoon, as in pretending you're sleeping next to each other but actually having sex under before mentioned blanket! How cute.
4. Wear a skirt, dress or loose pants! This obviously takes some pre-planning but it'll make your life/membership approval a lot easier. Trust.
4. Private Plane
If you have one, skip this blog post. The sky's the limit. Literally.
5. Add-Ons
We covered the basics, now let's finish off with some more outlandish ideas that could potentially help you on the path to your mile high membership:
1. Practice yoga. Or stretching. Mainly to sustain uncomfortable sex positions in the bathroom or seat. I guess that could be said for sex anywhere though.
2. The lavatories in the back of the plane seem to be less sound proof and closer to the flight attendants' chill spot. Avoid if you can.
3. Don't use unpackaged blankets. That's a tip from a flight attendant. Ummm, yikes.
4. If there's a fold-out table in the bathroom (the kind you use to change a baby's diaper) it makes for a good place for the girl to sit on and wrap her legs around the guy. Let's just hope it holds up. Double Entendre! My job is done.